Society

A narcissistic pervert causes a lot of suffering. How to spot them, free yourself from them and avoid manipulation? 

No, this is not a current trend. Narcissistic perverts exist and cause a lot of suffering. Their mode of operation is conscious and solely based on strategic intelligence. In an interview with the Belgian media RTBF, Christine Calonne, psychotherapist and author of the book "Les pervers narcissiques" sheds interesting light on this type of personality and gives some tips on how to freeing oneself from them.

Typical profile of the narcissistic pervert

Before drawing up the portrait of this predator, Christine Calonne insists on a distinction that must be made between the true narcissistic pervert who has a particular personality, being himself the result of a singular mode of operation, and the person who, occasionally, displays perverse or narcissistic behavior. The blur between these two personas often leads to a kind of incomprehension and ignorance of the subject.

A narcissistic pervert generally becomes one because they themself were, at a very young age, the victim of verbal, psychological and/or physical violence in his family circle. "Their behavior is due to traumatic dissociation. A narcissistic pervert has in fact experienced trauma during his childhood, and these traumas have led him, in order to survive, to dissociate himself from his body," indicates RTBF. They are completely cut off from their internal experience, from the sensations they feel. His body is absent, leaving the mode of predation as their only reference point. A narcissistic pervert calculates everything. Their strategy is clear: seduce their prey (because they have several), exploit them, manipulate them and destroy them. This destruction is completely conscious. On the other hand, a narcissistic pervert doesn't notice the label they're subjected to. A label under which no emotion is visible. Their ability to ignore their feelings but also their creative thoughts, still according to Christine Calonne, prevents them from questioning themselves and therefore generate processes of psychological conflicts, important for the construction of a "human" mind.

Ways to escape manipulation

In the presence of a narcissistic pervert, your body goes on alert. It translates a feeling of unease that must warn you and signal the trap that's emerging. Listening to your body, to the sensations that drive you, is the first key to escape the grasp of a manipulator. The sooner the trap is identified, the less you will have to fight the pain of control.

The first step in the narcissistic pervert's takeover will be to seduce you, to flatter you excessively. This attempt at seduction, often conclusive, will result in a deep addiction of the victim and a need for "returned" valorization. That is to say, in turn, to place the predator on a pedestal. 

Finally, from jokes to insistent denigration, a narcissistic pervert will never stop pushing you down, removing every part of your self-esteem. Their speech will be invasive, will leave no room for your words, you will have no chance of existing in the relationship. Pay attention to their words, their way of expressing themselves: another way to help you escape.

Confronting perversion

"Dialogue is unfortunately impossible with a narcissistic pervert since it assumes a recognition of the difference on their part, which would allow a constructive conflict, but it's impossible since they are "dissociated", "specifies RTBF.

It's very complicated, if not impossible, to improve the relationship with this kind of person. Their dissociation seems too deep and you yourself become completely disconnected from reality, as if drugged by the flattery of your tormentor.

You must become aware of the abyss in which you find yourself in order to get back on your feet. Often leading to severe depression, the manipulator exploits the qualities that enrich you and that he does not have to divert them into weaknesses. He makes you a person drained of confidence and guilty of being mistreated. Therapy helps, provided that it's done alone, without the presence of the narcissistic pervert. Once the situation is recognized, it's good to talk and talk to people outside your circle, who cannot be influenced.

Responsibility of today's society

"In our ultra-competitive society, it's often rational intelligence that is privileged, in the service of the economy. An economy where competition is cruel, and which induces an inhumanity that is increasingly present in our society." Sensitivity no longer has its place in a world where new technologies format intelligence and thought. Consequence of this dehumanization: narcissistic perverts find a favorable ground for their strategy.

(Mh with AsD - EVG / Illustration: Pixabay - SamWilliamsPhoto)